Of Masaku7s ,The Rugby Heat City

                                       Embrace the 'Heat' or Quit

One rugby function that needs no introduction in Kenya lately is Masaku 7s. Only 2 years old the tournament has grown overwhelmingly tapping the biggest rugby hype after the famous ‘Nax Vegas’. We going to make it memorable at least shake off and do one stupid thing but be safe, personally if I spot these 'asslicious' socialites I must confirm  it is real …….texture.

Rightly so, I cant help the excitement as we approach the event scheduled for the 28^th and 29^th of June. Talk of the 2013 edition and boy!! That was close to several beach (b**ch) parties all in one roof. Yes,  I think the socialites wave must have started there. The ladies as always welcomed the Masaku heat in a rather generous way that most men long to watch unfold again.

It is very encouraging that rugby is spreading fast to the central and Eastern regional region of the country away from the traditional Western, Nyanza, Nairobi and Rift. Great strides and we salute those who work tirelessly to keep spreading the game. 

Fans cooling off the heat during 2013 Masaku 7s as a Players sweat it off.

In short what was worn by majority of ladies was close to Paul Muites vote in the 2013 elections compared to Baba. Now with the socialites wave in town I can’t wait to stroll the field and feast my eyes, someone cc Corazon and Vera please. But the most excitement will obviously be from the wannabes who will kill for attention at all costs (or at no clothes). Let me drift slightly from the ladies for fear of forgetting to talk about rugby.

My Machakos, countrymen we thank you for the hospitality you accorded the many revelers that trooped your town last year. However, there are a few issues we have to highlight to 2014 visitors in advance.

Wafula’s Accommodation Nightmare

During last year’s edition there was a big problem with accommodation, my long term friend and former teammate Wafula who had just retired was all psyched to enjoy rugby from the terraces. Let me remind you that it is hardly possible to enjoy rugby events while playing as much as the fans do, the type of solder coach we had could tell if you were drinking the previous weekend from a mile away.

 

So Wafula who depends on rugby hype and his slim wallet to get attention was all glowing for a great weekend. Like most players Wafula has a good body but the face is not far from ‘Forbes’,… hana looks. This particular weekend he was lucky to get a sympathizer lady to accompany him to his new position in rugby(terraces). Now problem with terraces is one starts testing the wallet too early, by 6pm Wafula’s wallet’s hamstring couldn’t hold the pressure. He had to get a room otherwise the much awaited ‘sleep’ was messed.

The other side of rugby(stone throwing after the game... rugby style )

Wafula still bears the pain of that day. Together with his drunken entourage, Wafula practically walked all streets in the small town in search of accommodation but none could be found. From guest houses to cheap lodgings they were all booked. The drink was clearing from the entourage’s head and Wafula was desperate to get accommodation before matters got cold and hard to handle. 

The drinks had already gavin him a prince’s look which he was banking on (the lady was even confusing him with Biko) but Masaku city never helped. You don’t want to see the face of a Luhya with chicken looking for kitchen, the desperation is crazy. In short Wafula ‘knocked on’ and the chicken flew away.

#Lesson: Carry your tent to Masaku 7s

Alcohol Blow

You may get lucky to have a different kind of blow if worse comes to ‘knock on’ you gonna get a blow from the blue boys. They are like vultures, trust Mombasa road to have several checks. If you can’t get your own tent its time you do night running on the spot (party till morning)

#Lesson: Drive safely there is no oil in Machakos and we really can’t discover any 6 ft under.

Blocking GFs Remedy

If you already made a mistake of mentioning you are heading down don’t worry we got moves. First tag an extra girlfriend to help you watch over while you go for a drink for over 1 hr. That way she won’t call you when you are busy taking down a socialite’s number.

My mean rugby fellows I am tired of ignoring that ass coz she just can’t leave my side. It is fair to steal a glance but there are some that you just have to stare and take it all in. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. Here is the trick …..Its time you developed that eye problem that will require you to put on shades even if it rains, even at night. With shades, especially 3D, you will feel like an oil tycoon checking out from close range.

#Remedy: You can always say it wasn’t me.

Lastly please don’t leave Masaku without any idea about the game.  Try watching some games especially the first ones, or just shout when others do. Don’t stress yourself media crew have been given free passes to ensure they inform you.

@hesmatt